Dear Friend,
This letter has taken us a long time to write. We’ve been pondering about the feelings we would want to convey to you. What are the things we would want to know if we were in your shoes? We could never understand how you feel right now. We can’t comprehend the emotions you must be dealing with right now. Our hearts ache for you, and we wish we could comfort you at this rough time.
As we write this letter to you, we want you to know that we have the up most respect for you. Your decision to place your baby with an adoptive family is the most selfless, and loving thing that you could ever do. For that alone, we want you to know that we admire you. Your decision to give your baby a better life is the most selfless act there is. It is because of you that there is hope for us to become parents someday.
Ashley has looked forward her whole life to the time she would become a mother. She was always the one in church holding all the babies, and playing with all the kids. That’s how she first got into babysitting. People could tell she was just a natural around kids. Ashley started babysitting at about 12, and at 15 she picked up a part-time nanny job. She’s been doing it ever since. Ashley has never wanted to do anything else. She loves children.
Ashley comes from a fairly small family. She has one sister, one brother, and she’s the oldest child. She was born and raised in sunny San Diego, and loves to go back and visit any chance she can get. She is currently the only sibling who is married, and is hoping to give her mom her first grandchild.
John comes from a very large family with seven children. All his siblings are married and have children of their own. In total there are 22 nieces and nephews who all say John is their favorite uncle. He loves spending time with them whenever we get the opportunity to visit, and loves running around the back yard with 22 laughing children chasing after him.
We met in the spring of 2005 at a church activity in San Diego, CA. John was stationed at Camp Pendleton, and Ashley was living nearby in her hometown. We both had a mutual friend that introduced us to each other. To say we hit it off right away would be completely false. It took a lot of wooing on John’s part to win Ashley over.
We were married in March of 2006, so we are coming up to our 6 year anniversary. We’ve struggled with infertility ever since we’ve been married. It’s been rough for us to realize that we may not have the possibility of having our own children.
John about Ashley: My wife Ashley is one of the most caring people I have ever met. She is the type of person who always puts other people’s needs in front of her own. Ever since the day we first met I have always loved watching her smile, so I try to make her do it whenever I can. There is something about her smile that can’t really be captured in a picture or explained in words but whatever it is, it makes other people smile. I guess it is just part of her contagiously happy personality. Ashley sees people for who they are and always looks for the good in their heart, and because of that she is always quick to meet new friends.
She took the news that we were not going to be able to get pregnant pretty hard because she feels like raising children is what she is meant for. I often get jealous of the children she nanny’s for because I see how much she truly loves them. I know she loves them because I recognize that love. It is the same love she has for me. Plus they get fruit snacks. And although I kid about being jealous, it sometimes makes me sad to watch her with them because I know how much she wants to be not just the nanny but a mother, and it hurts my heart a little because we are not able to do that on our own.
Bravery is another attribute she has in great quantity. I like to think of bravery not as being unafraid but rather how you act when you are afraid, and my wife doesn’t let any of her fears stand in her way. In the almost five years that we have been married she has expressed her fears openly to me. Whether it be about money, moving to a new place, or fear of just the unforeseeable future, but one thing she has never done is let those fears hold her back from being happy and growing.
Ashley’s sense of humor and understanding nature are what I rely on to get me through the rough days we all sometimes have. No matter what it is, I know that I can always talk to her and she will find a way to help me feel better. Sometimes the things she tells me are not the things I want to hear but the things I need to hear, and that is one of the things that lets me know she truly loves me, because she cares enough to be honest when it might hurt a little to hear the truth.
Ashley about John: John is the perfect person for me in so many ways. He has more patience than anyone I have ever met. He puts up with my grumpiness, my moodiness, and whatever else I may be going through at the moment. He never gets angry, and is always the rational one.
One of the things that I admire most about John is how well he gets along with others. John does not have a mean bone in his body, and sees the best in everyone around him. He never has any negative words about others, and he always sees others for what is in their heart. Everyone gets along with John, and people just gravitate towards him. I’ve never met anyone who does not like John.
Another thing I really admire about John is his determination. When he wants something, or wants to change a bad habit in his life, he will not give up until he conquers his goal. When John has a goal, he obtains it. Nothing gets in his way, or slows him down. Nothing is too hard for John to achieve once he has his mind set on it. His determination and drive has made him a better man, a better husband, and a better Marine. I wish I had half the determination he has.
Ashley has always been interested in adoption, even before we found out about her fertility issues. Actually, she’s wanted to adopt almost every kid she’s ever watched. She has fallen in love with each one of them, and when they’ve moved, or we have moved, it’s been very emotional for her. For these reasons alone, we know we could love a child with different birth parents.
We feel that being parents is the most important job there is, and probably the hardest. We also know how rewarding it is. We feel very strongly that it is important for a mother to stay at home with her children. Ashley does not plan to work out of the home while our children are young. Once they start school, she may work while they are gone during the day, but she will be the one dropping them off at school in the morning, and meeting them when they get out of school for the day. We want our children to know that we are always there for them.
We want to raise our children to have faith, courage, and self-esteem. We want to teach them to have respect for themselves and for others. We want them to be strong in their convictions, and to be able to stand up for what they believe in. We want them to know that they will always be safe at home. We want them to be in a home with a loving father and mother who have a strong and healthy marriage. A happy home is what we want our children to be able to come home to every single day.
We understand that every birth parent’s desires are different, and no two cases are the same. Some birth parents want an open adoption, and others don’t. We are willing to work out either scenario. We want to do what is best for the child, for you, and for us. So we are open to discussing all possibilities.
We want to thank you for giving us hope that we can be parents. We have so much love to offer a child, and are so eager to become parents. We could offer a child an amazing, and joyful life. We hope we have shown you a glimpse at our hearts’ desires in this letter. Sincerely,
John and Ashley
